Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Making Good Memories by Managing Yourself

Do your kids pick up on your holiday stress? You bet they do! 
Today we are sharing a great article from Laura Markham from http://www.ahaparenting.com/ that gives some sound suggestions from keeping things real at the holidays.
You can read the article here and sign up for the newsletter here.
We aren't affiliated with Aha! Parenting--we just think they are great, and bet you will, too.


Monday, December 10, 2012

A cardboard box turned into a sleigh ride and more...


With a little help from the UPS man, and the cardboard box from Pottery Barn Kids, my girls were entertained for at least an hour, while I prepared dinner tonight. Amazing what a plain ole cardboard box can do to keep your kids busy and productive.

In our past posts, we have talked about the importance of keeping your child's toys simple and how the more simple they are, the more your child is encouraged to use their imagination, social, language as well as critical thinking skills. For example, tonight, my girls pretended their beat up Pottery Barn Kids box was a sleigh, and then after they had their fun on their sleigh ride, they imagined they were at the beach and their cardboard box, was their "boat." So while I was preparing dinner, and the girls were having fun on their sleigh ride or in their boat, they were laughing, talking, and having fun thinking of so many ways or things they could turn this ordinary box in their latest adventure.

Lesson I learned? Don't throw away every box you get in the mail. You never know what this box can teach your child as well as you!


Thursday, December 6, 2012

Tis the Season to Reading Aloud


As you know, we strongly encourage reading aloud to your children at least 20 minutes every day. It is the perfect way to bond, as well as teach your child pre-reading skills. So let’s take advantage of the great holiday stories, old and new, and read to our children every night. This is another way to create a holiday family tradition.
Our favorite holiday books:
Twas the Night Before Christmas
The Polar Express
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Merry Christmas Curious George
Merry Christmas Biscuit
Merry Christmas Mouse
Olivia Claus
Fancy Nancy Splendiferous Christmas
Room for a Little One
B is for Bethlehem
The Nativity
The Little Drummer Boy

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

the importance of traditions...

When I think of my childhood Christmas memories, I immediately think of my Grandparents and how they made this special holiday so memorable. I remember baking and decorating cookies with my Aunt and cousins at my Grandma’s house. Then, I used to always look forward to riding around with my mom and dad, looking at our town’s gorgeous Christmas lights and decorations, while listening to fun holiday tunes. I also remember the cozy feeling of getting into my holiday pjs after a warm bath and curling up on the couch with hot cocoa, to watch Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Then, as I got older, I looked forward to the traditional Christmas Eve candlelight service at my church, and then having a yummy meal afterwards, with my whole family.

It is really the simple things that we remember and cherish, even as adults. So when you are thinking about creating family traditions in your home this holiday season, remember it doesn’t have to be elaborate. You don’t have to go, go, go all the time to entertain your child. It is your time and what you believe is special.
We would love to hear what your favorite childhood memories are or what kind of family traditions you have created with your family? I know for me, I have carried the tradition of baking with my girls every week, and then just snuggling up with them each night to read them a Christmas book or watch their favorite holiday show, like Frosty the Snowman or Rudolph.

There are other ways to create family traditions like doing holiday crafts together, like Christmas cards or ornaments, setting a certain date and time to decorate the tree, or maybe even volunteering somewhere to really encourage your child and teach them about giving and not just receiving.

We look forward to hearing about your traditions and how they are special to you.

Monday, December 3, 2012

For parents: Coping with learning differences

Most days of the week I receive a call from a parent of one of my students. These calls tend to increase at this time of year and the start of the holidays signals the end of the school semester. Sometimes it’s a simple confirmation of our schedule or a quick question. But often, when I get off the phone, I realize that these families are asking questions, seeking reassurance, and requesting advice for one reason: fear.

This is not momentary fight-or-flight fear, but rather a lingering cloud of concern. Days have become carefully orchestrated symphonies of schoolwork, after-school appointments, homework, and correspondence with all involved parties to ensure harmony. The time-consuming project of managing a child’s needs interferes with work, family, and personal responsibilities; time for relaxation, socializing, and sleep gets stolen to make up the difference. Meanwhile, costs for additional services strain family budgets and stress strains marriages. The fear comes in when there is a glitch: an accommodation is not made, a test is failed, or, worst of all, when the child expresses that they are a failure. Parents, doing all that they can do, worry that it is not enough.

How do you help the child without getting swept away by the demands?

1. Start with school. Establish relationships with the school personnel who are responsible for meeting your child’s needs and hold them accountable. After all, they are being paid to do this! This is accomplished by keeping a record of all correspondence, and referring back to it regularly to see if all promises are being kept. In a public school setting there are legal rights—get to know them. If you are in a private school, be sure it is the best possible fit and that there is a designated person assigned to manage your child’s supports.

2. See your child as a whole person. Don’t drop all the extra-curriculars to free up time for homework/tutoring. Encourage your child to be a friend (socializing with others), an individual (taking classes in art, music, or sports not offered at school), and a family member (doing chores and spending time together). Without these identities, your child may view himself as simply a kid who has trouble with school. Yes, you may need to pick and choose activities with an eye toward balance, but it is worth the effort.

3. Set limits. Decide how much time you personally are going to spend fighting the battles, and how much time your child will spend on work outside of the school day. Be realistic, and stick to it.

4. Seek community. You are not alone. Online forums can be a way to find support, but nothing beats in-person relationships. Gather the courage to open up just a little bit about the challenges your child is facing, and be prepared to find out how many of your friends are facing similar issues or know someone who is. Also seek out (or consider starting) a parents group that meets regularly.

5. Check in with yourself when you start to feel overwhelmed. Make two lists—one for what is working, and one for what is not working. Celebrate the positives, and identify the people who can help you solve the problems.

Parenting a child with unique learning needs is a challenge, to be sure. But by establishing priorities and supports you will make a difference.

This article was originally posted at www.heathergillum.com.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Make the most of your time together....

As we are approaching this busy holiday time of year, let's remember that it is still all about the simple things that are children need most. Not the extravagant toys, fancy clothes or shiny new bike, but simply, your time.

There are so many things that we can do on a regular basis to give our children our time and also throw in some learning time too.

Here are some of our favorites:
  • Take a walk together
  • Fly a kite together
  • Host a tea party
  • Play dress-up or superheros
  • Cuddle on the couch while reading a favorite book
  • Color or paint a picture together
  • Play a board game
  • Play hide and go seek
  • Bake together. It doesn't have to be anything complicated. It can be slice and bake cookies!
  • Have a dance party in the kitchen before dinner
  • Have breakfast together
  • Make dinner together
  • Go to the park or play a fun game in your own back yard
  • Build a fort with pillows and blankets


 

We hope you will take a little time out of this craziness time of year of shopping for gifts, holiday parties and traveling and just hang out and enjoy your kids/family...the good ole fashion way. Our kids will not remember all the toys they had, but they will definitely remember the special times they got to spend with their parents. My daughter still talks about the time we played out in the snow at night and this was over a year ago! So special!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Grocery Store Games

Grocery shopping with your child may not be your favorite activity, but with a little preparation and a lot of patience, you can make this shopping trip fun and a great opportunity for learning.

Here are some ideas:

  • On the way to the grocery store, create a memory game like “we are going to Publix and we are going to buy a huge piece of bread that can take us to the beach.” Make your descriptions really silly and elaborate, adding more items to the list and see what they can remember.
  • Give them their own shopping list with pictures and give them clues on where they can find the items.
  • You could play, “I Spy.” “I spy a red fruit that is round and juicy.” “Do you see it?”
  •  Have them help you take the items out of the cart or let them help you put the items away when you get home. You can even go as far as sorting the items by type or size depending on the age of your child.
So when you are dreading that trip to the grocery store, just remember these simple little games and just have fun! You will be surprised how much you can teach your child in just that little trip to the store and back.

Things to Remember: The grocery store is a rich resource for teaching descriptive words, reading, numbers, math, and memory skills. It might take a little longer with the wee ones in tow, but you are accomplishing so much more than shopping.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Examples of Gra-ti-tudes!

"I am grateful for my pink bunny that made me feel safe during nap time today."

"I am grateful for my cookie I got from the nice lady at Publix."

"I am grateful for my soft coat that keeps me warm on cold, windy days at the park."

"I am grateful for my kids that make me smile and life each day"

"I am grateful for my mom and dad that support me and love me just the way that I am."

"I am grateful I have a warm house to live in, clothes on my back and food to eat."

"I am grateful for the sun shining and the colorful leaves on the ground."

"I am grateful for my child's school and the wonderful teachers that make them feel loved and create a love for learning."

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Be thankful ...be present!

We know as busy moms ourselves that it is so hard to always be present for your kids or husband all the while you are trying to cook, get laundry done and maybe for some of you, do your other day job.

We know that it is a constant struggle as we are trying to find that balance between life at home and outside of home of being a mom.

As moms, we think oh I should have done that better. I should have listened more or I should have hugged on my kids a little more today instead of worrying about the dirty floors or whatever to-do list we had going that day.

We as moms naturally put pressure on ourselves to volunteer for this committee or event at our kids' school. To host a clothing or jewelry trunk show for a friend. To remember every friend's birthday and sometimes even their kids'. To make every girls night or play date. This list can go on and on!

We put soooo much pressure on ourselves not only mentally but physically. No wonder we are all rushing around like crazy people and forgetting to make those gratitude lists or forgetting to just make time for ourselves so we can be there for our family more.

We need to be more thankful for who we are now, not comparing ourselves to other moms. We are who we are! We have to remember to do what is best for us, our kids and family not do what everyone expects you to do.

Parents, please embrace this time of year. Get those "gratitude jars" out and be thankful for those little moments that seem to pass us by in a flash! This year (2012) is almost over. What are you waiting for! End this year with no regrets and a huge list of what you have to be grateful for! Because...

“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today”
- Anonymous

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Making the Most of Parent-Teacher Conferences

The words “Parent-Teacher Conference” have struck fear in my mind since I was old enough to understand that the very reason for a day off from school was for MY parents to talk to MY teacher about ME in my absence. The nerve!

Now that I am a parent, I appreciate these meetings for what they are: an unsolicited opportunity for two-way sharing between teacher and parent. Smoldering issues (as opposed to big burning questions that warrant an after-school phone call) that otherwise might not be discussed are brought to light. Talking in person gives both sides the benefit of reading the body language and hearing the tone of voice that is masked by email correspondence. This is a golden opportunity for collaboration, not to be wasted.

Time is of the essence, as conferences are typically scheduled back-to-back in 20 or 30-minute intervals. Do your homework to make the most of this limited time. Here are some suggestions:
  1. If you are attending this meeting with your spouse, get on the same page. Don’t waste time in the meeting figuring out what you want to discuss. Establish goals before the meeting.
  2. Choose two or three priorities and write them down in order of importance. Bring the list with you and share it with the teacher when you sit down. This communicates both your concerns and their rank. The teacher may want to jump right in to addressing your concerns, or may have other things to discuss first. Go with the flow.
  3. But watch the clock. Once half of the allotted time has passed, it is fine to politely interject that you would like to discuss your concerns if they have not already been covered. Equal time is a reasonable expectation.
  4. Be specific. If you are concerned about something, name it and claim it. If you want something, ask for it specifically. If you are unclear on something, get clarification. This is much easier to do in person than after the fact via phone call or email.
  5. Make notes during the meeting. Be especially careful to document anything anyone in the meeting (including yourself) has promised to do.
In the end, if you are dissatisfied with your conference, you have several options. One is to say, at the end of the meeting, that you would like another meeting with more time. This would also give you the opportunity to invite additional people (such as the principal) to join you. If you feel that another meeting with the teacher will not resolve your specific concerns, it is okay to move up the chain of command and meet with a director, dean, or principal. Either way, provide a list of your concerns prior to the next meeting so that everyone will come to the table prepared to discuss those issues.

Finally, try to keep things positive. Intentionally or not, teachers’ perceptions of parents do shape how they treat the children, for better or worse. Focus on collaboration for the good of your child and the best possible school year.

This post was originally published at www.heathergillum.wordpress.com.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

An Attitude of Gratitude

"I am thankful for my socks."

So said my daughter when pressed to come up with something that she was thankful for, besides her baby dolls and her beloved "lamby".

Even very young children can begin to develop an attitude of gratitude. An easy way to start is by asking what they like, or what they are glad about. This will most likely be physical items (especially toys!) until about age four.

By age five children can relate to the concept of appreciating family members, teachers, and friends. At about this age, we started asking our daughter what three things she was thankful for that day as part of our bedtime routine. This has become a treasured part of our day, and, as a bonus, gives me a regular barometer for what matters most to her. It has also created some teachable moments for discussing the value of relationships over "stuff".

Remember to continue adding to your "jars" that we talked about yesterday, and create a attitude of gratitude in your child.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Gratitude Jar

My daughter came home with a "blessings jar" from Sunday School the other day and I thought what a wonderful idea to remind us to be grateful for what we have and for the people in our lives. We naturally get so busy going from school to ballet or soccer practice, that we tend to forget and stop and just be thankful for what we have. For our friends, our family, our pets, our homes, where we live, good neighbors, the sweet cashier at Publix and I could go on.



My daughter's jar was simply decorated but was filled with color paper with drawings of what she is grateful for,  such as special items and names of people that my daughter adores. She listed her family members, friends, her special lovies and even her dog, Tucker.

If you knew my daughter and her relationship with our dog, you would be shocked she even mentioned him as a blessing! She is not a fan of our beagle/pug mix at the moment. He is our sock bandit and loves to sneak in some Goldfish or whatever he can nab from the hands of my little sweet peas.

So I digress... sorry! My point is that I have been inspired by this "blessings jar" and want to continue a jar for our whole family! I am going to name it our "gratitude jar" in the spirit of the season and every day as a family write down or even draw what we are grateful for that day.

Again, keep it simple. It doesn't have to take a lot of time. It is just the thoughts you put in it. I feel that the more we acknowledge our blessings and make an effort to be more grateful for them, then we are less likely to be negative or talk about what we don't have.

So are you with me Hands on Mom friends? Let's start a "gratitude jar"today and continue to count our blessings, no matter how little you might think they are.

Remember to include you children by letting them decorate the jar. The more you get them involved, the more excited they will be to participate in this project.

Examples of jars could be an apothocary jar (see below), a juice jar, hurricane glass candle holder, or even an empty plastic animal cracker jar. Get creative and just have fun with it. You will be surprised the effect it will have not only on you, but your whole family as you enjoy the spirit of the season.




After you decorate your jar, we would love for you to share pictures of them to inspire more families to get on board of being more grateful of our many blessings!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

3 Weeks until Thanksgiving-and plenty of time for new traditions

Three weeks until Thanksgiving.
(insert deep breath here, possibly accompanied by a sigh)
As parents of young children, we know that the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas are the most wonderful and most busy time of the year.
So here's a thought.
It takes 21 days to make a new habit (so they say).
So, starting today, choose one thing to do every day at home with the kids.
Maybe it's reading together, sharing a cup of cocoa in the afternoon, walking the dog together, or working a puzzle. Or playing together, flipping through magazines, sharing your faith, or doing something kind for others. Or talking while you make dinner. Or creating new daily chores that will make things easier come holiday time.
If you start today it could be a habit by Thanksgiving, and that much easier to keep going through the holiday rush.
It could become an anchor of calm and routine when the kids schedules are anything but regular.
It could become that moment when you end up talking about the important stuff.
It could become what your child wants to do with you when they come home from college because it feels like home.
As moms, we are the keepers of the traditions. Not just for holidays, but everyday.
What's yours?

Monday, October 29, 2012

Hands on Mom live events are now approved training hours for Tennessee DHS-licensed child care providers!

Hands-On Mom brings affordable educational programs for child care providers and parents to your location.

Early childhood expert Amy Croker, MAT, and child language specialist Heather Gillum, PhD, CCC-SLP, bring their experience as professionals and as parents to these lively, interactive presentations on child development. 

Ages and Stages is a one-hour program that provides a broad overview of development for ages two to five years.  This presentation highlights developmental milestones and play-based teaching techniques. Guidance on early identification of developmental differences and making appropriate referrals is also shared. Participants will receive a list of developmentally-appropriate toys, many of which can be made from inexpensive items. Cost: $180.

 From Coos to Kindergarten: Developing Language and Literacy is a one-hour program spotlighting the development of oral language and the foundations for learning to read.  Strategies for building these skills in children from birth to age six years will be shared. Participants will receive a list of exceptional books for young children. Cost: $180.   
 
Schedule both programs for $300 (that is a discount of $60!).
·         
  •  Day and evening scheduling is available.
  • Pricing includes promotional posters and flyers, program handouts, and certificates of attendance
  • A deposit of $80, payable by check or credit card, is required to hold the reservation; balance due within five business days of the scheduled programs
  • These programs are approved to fulfill training hour requirements for State of Tennessee DHS-licensed child care providers in the areas of Health and Child Development. Certificates will be provided on request.
Call (615) 473-7596 or email heathergillum@gmail.com
for information and scheduling.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Local Pumpkin Patches, Apple Orchards and Festivals, etc.to Enjoy this Season

Who can resist getting out and enjoying the gorgeous fall weather and all the fun festivities that come with it?

Check out http://www.pumpkinpatchesandmore.org/TNpmiddle.php to find a pumpkin patch, corn maze, hayride or apple orchard near you.

There is nothing like watching your kids run around a pumpkin patch or chase them through a corn maze that will put you in the Fall spirit. It brings out the kid in you and creates wonderful family memories.

Other local activites to take advantage of this time of year:

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Fun Fall Activities to get us Moving!

Need some ideas to get you motivated and moving with your kids?

Here are our favorite physical activties for the Fall:
  • Leaf hunt or nature walk
  • Pumpkin Patch or Apple Picking
  • Carve or paint pumpkins outside
  • Local Festivals or fair: walk from booth to booth, let the kids enjoy the bounce activites or petting zoos
  • Farmers Market:  pick fresh produce and take it home to cook. Talk about the importance of eating healthy.
  • Parks and/or Playgrounds: try to encourage your child to try something new such as the hanging on the monkey bars or pumping those legs on the swings.
  • Have a picnic and then play chase...once your food settles of course.  
  • Backyard BBQ with Games-Hula Hoops and Hop Scotch are favorites at our house.
  • Ride bikes or stroll the neighborhood-try to go a different route every time.
  • Walk your dog-they need exercise too!
  • If you are stuck inside? Play hide and go seek, have a pillow fight or build a fort.



Monday, October 15, 2012

Let's get moving!

 
 
 
"The Leaves are dancing all around, all around,
The Leaves are dancing all around, all around,
Red, Yellow, Orange, falling to the ground,
The Leaves are dancing all around, all around!"
 
 
This fun song is sung quite a bit at our house around the Fall season. We sing it when we are getting stir crazy, and put dance moves with it, we sing it on our way to school and we sing it on walks to collect cool fall leaves.
 
 
 
 
The common theme is being active! Encourage activity. Kids learn from example so if you are active, then they are more likely to want to be active.
 
So get out and enjoy this gorgeous fall weather with your kids, your dog or your hubby.  
 
Research shows that kids who are more active are more likely to be academically motivated, alert, and successful. And physical competence builds self-esteem at every age.
 
So as parents, how can we not only keep ourselves motivated to exercise, but also encourage our kids to be more active?
 
At www.kidshealth.org, they have made it easy for us with a list of age-appropriate activities and ways we can easily incorporate exercise in our daily routine.  Check it out and then get moving with your family!
 
 


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Upcoming Parenting Events from Daystar Ministries

Daystar Counseling in Nashville is best known by the books by two of their staff: Raising Girls by Sissy Goff and Nurturing Boys by Dave Thomas.

Battle Ground Academy in Franklin, TN is bringing these experts to campus for two special nights.

Wednesday, Oct. 17, 6:30-9pm: David Thomas presents Nurturing Boys

Wednesday, Oct. 24, 6:30-9pm: Sissy Goff presents Raising Girls

For information and registration ($25 for each session), visit www.battlegroundacademy.org and go through the "Parents" header to "School Event Registration."

You won't want to miss these engaging, insightful programs on the emotional and intellectual development of boys and girls.

Click here for more information about Daystar Counseling.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

More on Parent Involvement

Don't just take it from us--parent involvement in school is a big deal. Here's a link to a great report from the State of Michigan on the importance of home-school connections. It's never to early to start putting these tips into practice.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Preparing for Parent-Teacher Conferences



The words “Parent-Teacher Conference” have struck fear in my mind since I was old enough to understand that the very reason for a day off from school was for MY parents to talk to MY teacher about ME in my absence. The nerve!

Now that I am a parent, I appreciate these meetings for what they are: an unsolicited opportunity for two-way sharing between teacher and parent. Smoldering issues (as opposed to big burning questions that warrant an after-school phone call) that otherwise might not be discussed are brought to light. Talking in person gives both sides the benefit of reading the body language and hearing the tone of voice that is masked by email correspondence. This is a golden opportunity for collaboration, not to be wasted.

Time is of the essence, as conferences are typically scheduled back-to-back in 20 or 30-minute intervals. Do your homework to make the most of this limited time. Here are some suggestions:
  1. If you are attending this meeting with your spouse, get on the same page. Don’t waste time in the meeting figuring out what you want to discuss. Establish goals before the meeting.
  2. Choose two or three priorities and write them down in order of importance. Bring the list with you and share it with the teacher when you sit down. This communicates both your concerns and their rank. The teacher may want to jump right in to addressing your concerns, or may have other things to discuss first. Go with the flow.
  3. But watch the clock. Once half of the allotted time has passed, it is fine to politely interject that you would like to discuss your concerns if they have not already been covered. Equal time is a reasonable expectation.
  4. Be specific. If you are concerned about something, name it and claim it. If you want something, ask for it specifically. If you are unclear on something, get clarification. This is much easier to do in person than after the fact via phone call or email.
  5. Make notes during the meeting. Be especially careful to document anything anyone in the meeting (including yourself) has promised to do.
In the end, if you are dissatisfied with your conference, you have several options. One is to say, at the end of the meeting, that you would like another meeting with more time. This would also give you the opportunity to invite additional people (such as the principal) to join you. If you feel that another meeting with the teacher will not resolve your specific concerns, it is okay to move up the chain of command and meet with a director, dean, or principal. Either way, provide a list of your concerns prior to the next meeting so that everyone will come to the table prepared to discuss those issues.

Finally, try to keep things positive. Intentionally or not, teachers’ perceptions of parents do shape how they treat the children, for better or worse. Focus on collaboration for the good of your child and the best possible school year.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

More places around town (that are free) to practice social skills

There are so many free, but structured social activities around town for parents to take their kids, even on the weekends. So if you are a local, take a look at our favorites below. Also, make sure you check out last week's post on the more social settings such as Monkey's Treehouse, as a way to help both your introverted and extroverted child practice their social skills

If you are not a local, make sure you check out your local website or ask around your group of friends to see what is going on in your town to get your children involved. Or maybe you could start a play group with friends? Even as parents we need to get out among other parents.

Here is our list of favorite structured social activities around town that are free: 
If there are any other activities that you know about and would like to share with us, please do! We would love to hear from you!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Shy vs. Outgoing child...both have their social challenges

Yesterday, I shared with you my thoughts on growing up as a shy child and some ways that parents and teachers can help kids such as myself easily transition into social situations.

Today, I want to talk to you about the complete opposite of personalities because I have two of them at home. Both my girls are super outgoing! They do not meet a stranger. They love being around other kids their age and have always been able to adapt well in most social settings. Yes, these are all great traits to have but just like being a shy child, there can be some challenging times socially.

In fact, I have experienced the challenging times quite often with my own social butterflies. It is not that they are disruptive or that they say inappropriate things (well, not always). It is the times that we are at the local park, YMCA or even at a birthday party.

If my oldest doesn't know someone at the park, she will find a child her own age, introduce herself and ask them if they will play with her. It is great for me in the aspect that I don't always have to entertain her while juggling her little sister that is about to fall off the jungle gym. However, there can be times that I see her introduce herself at the playground or ask if she can play with a group of girls at a playdate and they will either say "no!" and run off or say nothing.

It breaks your heart as a parent to see your child that wants so badly to play with others and then you see her feelings get hurt or not get included because she is not part of the usual play group. I often hear, "so and so wouldn't play with me today!" or "why won't they play with me."

So I am slowly trying to learn to parent my sweet social butterflies. I find that when I do see my children get their feelings hurt because a child won't respond to them or include them, I have to to make an effort to point out that it is not anything they did or said. That some children are just not sure how to play with others. Or maybe that particular child didn't want to play what you were playing at the time and that is okay.

During playdates, which can get tricky at times, I try to make sure I have activities that both kids enjoy. My girls love dress-up and art, but not all kids do. So I try to encourage them to pick a puzzle, a game or blocks. That way, the kids are more likely to use their language to work together or make a plan to build with the blocks.

Again, whether a child is shy or outgoing, both have social challenges. Just not the same challenges. The important thing I try to do and want to encourage you to do the same, is embrace those challenges. Take advantage of those tough social situations and use them as teachable moments.

For those parents of extroverted kiddos, help them through those times when they don't feel included as much as they try to be. Teach them resiliance. Encourage them to move on and just let things roll off their back (something that is a life lesson to a lot of us). Also, try to make sure you continue to provide more social activities for them to get involved in, and include some with more structured settings. This way, they can learn when it is appropriate to talk and when it is not?

For those of you with more introverted children, try to provide them with more social opportunities, model how to be more social and most of all, be supportive through social settings that maybe too overwhelming for them. Don't look at their shyness as a burden, look at it as an oppportunity to learn and grow together.



Monday, October 1, 2012

Helpful tips on parenting a shy child

Growing up as a shy child myself I can always sympathize when I see those children that hide behind their mommy's leg in any big social situation or have difficulty going to school.

Slumber parties or birthday parties were always a challenge for me, and don't even get me started on dance recitals or going off to cheerleading camp. Yep, this shy girl was actually a cheerleader and even a captain a couple of years. So you parents of shy kids, there is hope and being shy is not always a bad thing.

To me, growing up in a culture that is so outgoing can be intimidating for a child that is shy. It was always difficult for me as my family was so social in our small town. Everybody knew my parents since they were knee-high to a grasshopper. Having a big brother, I grew up under the guise of only being the "little sister." I sometimes wondered if anyone knew my first name because I was always called by my last name or Brad's (my brother) little sister.

So from being on the shy team for all these years, let me just say this to you parents of timid little darlings. I know it can be frustrating when your child won't let go of your leg or you feel like it is a reflection on you when your child doesn't speak or acknowledge someone that speaks to them. I know is has to be so hard to know what to do. What I can tell you is this, please don't make your child feel bad about being sensitive or shy like it is some illness. Being sensitive or shy can actually be a good thing at times as your child is observing and making careful thoughts about what to say or do.

Believe me, it only makes it worse when you shame the child about being clingy or not talking as much as their peers. Your "shy child" will only start to feel bad about themselves when everyone talks about how shy she is or will feel overlooked because they are not sure how to communicate.

So what can we do as parents to help our child transition more smoothly into social situations? What can we do as teachers? Well, we thought that we couldn't say it any better than an article we came across from Dr. Laura Markham's website, www.ahaparenting.com, as well as an article written by one of our favorite children's expert, Dr. William Sears, http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/8-ways-help-shy-child.

Both articles are extremely helpful so we hope you will take the time to read them even if you don't have shy children. You may have a friend with shy kids or you might even teach a child that is struggling socially?

Dr. Laura Markham's article from Aha Parenting site: http://www.ahaparenting.com/Default.aspx?PageID=2097797&A=SearchResult&SearchID=5231623&ObjectID=2097797&ObjectType=1

Nurture your child by noticing her needs and responding to them. Shy baby chimps given to extremely nurturing mothers became leaders in their group, while their shy siblings raised by average mothers remained shy and fearful throughout life. Responsive mothering helps shy little ones learn to calm themselves and manage their reactions. That allows their heightened sensitivity to become an asset, because it makes them more responsive to the needs of their peers and better at negotiating group situations.

2. Empathize with your child’s shyness and avoid shaming him.
Acknowledging what he feels, without negative judgment, helps him to feel good about himself. Giving him the impression that there is something wrong with him will just make him feel worse about himself, and therefore more insecure and shy. Empathizing with your child will also help him develop empathy, which will enhance his social skills and keep him connected to others.

3. Model confident behavior with other people. Kids learn from watching us.
That means being friendly to strangers, offering help to others, and modeling a relaxed attitude about social interactions of all kinds.

4. Teach your child basic social skills. Kids often need to be taught to make eye contact, shake hands, smile, and respond to polite chit-chat appropriately. Role play with them how to join a game at the playground, introduce themselves to another child at a party, or initiate a playdate. Kids who are successful in joining groups of kids usually observe first, and find a way to fit into the group, rather than just barging in. Make games out of social skills and practice at home.

5. Help your child learn how to make friends. Most kids need to learn social skills, and benefit from a little extra help. I particularly recommend Lonnie Michelle's How Kids Make Friends: Secrets for Making Lots of Friends, No Matter How Shy You Are

6. Coach your child to handle teasing and bullying by role playing and encouraging her to stand up for herself. A terrific book to help you help your child, offering scripts and strategies, is Scott Cooper's Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times

7. Don’t label your child as shy. Instead, acknowledge his feelings and point out that he can overcome his fears. For instance, “Sometimes it takes you awhile to warm up in a new situation. Remember Billy’s birthday party, how you held my hand all through the games? But by the end, you were having lots of fun with the other kids.”

8. Teach your child effective strategies for dealing with shyness. The general rule of thumb is to accept the nervousness that comes up as a part of normal life that affects most people, reassure yourself that you’re ok anyway, and focus on others rather than yourself. For instance, remind your child that she doesn’t have to be interesting, just interested, and teach her to ask other kids questions and listen to their answers. Brainstorm with her how she might handle a situation that makes her nervous: “If you feel nervous at the party today, what could you do to make yourself more comfortable? Could you hang out with one of the kids you know from school? Could you offer to help serve the refreshments? What do you think you might talk with the other kids about?”

9. Provide your child with daily opportunities to interact with others.
Shy kids need downtime, of course, but they also need plenty of opportunities to practice their social skills. And remember that empathizing doesn’t mean being over-protective. Applaud every little step he takes on his own.

10. If your child seems generally fearful, consider that she's got some tears and fears inside that need to be expressed. When kids experience something scary and don't feel safe at that moment, the fears get repressed. You can think of this as stuffing them in an emotional backpack, to be processed later. The problem is that humans don't willingly subject themselves to scary feelings. So often those tears and fears stay locked up inside. But since the body knows those emotions need to be felt -- so they can evaporate -- the feelings are always trying to bubble up. Children who are trying to keep fear at bay often become generally fearful and even rigid. If this describes your child, give her daily opportunities to giggle by playing games that dance just on the edge of fear -- bucking bronco rides, for instance. And when she feels safe enough to let those fears surface in tears, welcome her meltdown. On the other side of it, you'll have a less fearful, more flexible child.

11. Don’t create social anxiety by teaching young children to be afraid of strangers. Instead, teach your child that he or she should always be with you, or with a teacher or babysitter. If her special adult is with her, your child doesn’t need to be afraid of strangers. Once she’s old enough to begin walking home from school by herself, you can begin discussing how to keep herself safe.


Thursday, September 27, 2012

Social Skills: Getting out and about


We've been focusing on social skills the past two weeks. Most young children get their best practice at home with friends and playgroups and at school. But it's also great to get out and about to mix and mingle with other children. Here are the hot spots in our area:

Parks! Dragon Park in Nashville and Crockett Park in Brentwood have awesome play structures and are usually teeming with youngsters. Want to really promote interaction? Take a ball. Inevitably it will roll away and some other kid will go after it.

Play gyms! Several have popped up around town, but one of the favorites is www.monkeyjoes.com in Cool Springs. Let the kids roam while you sit back and relax.

Your gym! One of our personal favorites for is the YMCA. Members have access to age-appropriate childcare rooms while they are in the building. 

Parent's Night Out! Childcare can be a fun way for kids to socialize while you grab groceries, have lunch with friends, or slip out for a date-night dinner. Two excellent drop-in spots are www.thechildrensplayroom.com with locations in Belle Meade and Brentwood and www.smartsprouts.com in Green Hills. In addition to these drop-ins, area churches and gyms, such as Let it Shine gymnastics in Franklin, have regularly-scheduled parent night out programs. These typically require advance reservations.

Have other places you like? Please share!




Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Child Language: Talking about talking



Photo by Kristen Vanzant

Child Language is the field of study concerned with the typical and atypical patterns of development of oral and written communication in childhood. 

Don’t most kids just learn to talk? Why yes, most do eventually, but not everyone is equally articulate. In our American culture, verbal intelligence is the most prized of the intelligences. Our general education system is built on an assumption that all students are linguistically strong, and today those who struggle with oral language are at risk for failure.

Forty years ago, when child language disorders were becoming recognized, some researchers argued that there was no such disorder, but rather that some children are relatively less adept than others, much like some children learn to ride a bike easily while others struggle. Through years of research, some of these same minds later identified specific deviancies in the language skills of a subset of children who were not only acquiring language slowly (late-talking) but also using patterns of speech and grammar that were not part of the normal sequence of development.

Today, children who exhibit these features may be appropriately diagnosed with a language disorder or language-based learning disability. Current estimates indicate that 7% of children have a language disorder that is not explained by any other neurological, developmental, or physical issue (for more stats on prevalence and incidence, visit the American Speech Language Hearing Association website at www.asha.com). Left untreated, these children are at an increased risk for academic and social disadvantages; such are the consequences of not being highly verbal in our highly verbal society.

Fortunately, major advances in the understanding of child language development and disorders now enable specialized speech-language pathologists to successfully implement empirically-proven early identification, assessment, and intervention procedures. With an understanding of the differences between typical development and atypical development, child language professionals are uniquely suited to determine who needs help, when to provide it, and what to do.

For these children, having experts “talking about their talking” is the first step on the path to a brighter future.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Social Milestones

As a parent, I am always wanting to make sure my child is "on track."

Are they saying the right amount of words they are supposed to say at this age?

Are they making friends?

Can they follow one or two step directions?

Is their fine motor where it should be?

When are they supposed to be potty training?

Are they supposed to be writing their name or reading on their own at 4?

Whew! You can really wear yourself thinking about all the developmental milestones for your kids, but it doesn't do us any good to worry so much does it?

All we can do is equip ourselves with the knowledge we need to raise our kids and just do the best we can do.  

So this is where Hands on Mom comes in..and we are pretty savvy in this department if we do say so ourselves, not only as moms but also as professionals in elementary education and speech, language and literacy development.

Heather is not only a wonderful mom, but a child language expert with a thriving private practice.

I on the other hand have experience in the classroom, specifically in Pre-K through 4th grade. I understand what teachers expect children should do starting as early as 3 years old to higher elementary school age kids. The importance of social development in the child's academic success. I am also a parent to two girls, age two and five. So I have a lot of hands on learning experience to share.


The following are social milestones we feel that are important starting at age 3, when your child is probably getting ready to start a day school or Mommy's Day out program.

Starting with the 3s, here are some Social and Emotional Development milestones you can expect:

  • follows simple directions; enjoys helping with household tasks
  • begins to recognize own limits — asks for help from adults as a problem-solving strategy
  • likes to play alone, but near other children
  • reaches out to play with other children by watching them or copying their play
  • starts using words when she wants something from someone, as opposed to the two-year old "grab and run" technique
  • does not always cooperate or share well
  • is able to make choices between two things
  • begins to notice other people's moods and feelings
  • initiates self-centered conversations with adults and other children ("You know what I did? I...")
  • becomes generally more talkative as language skills dramatically increase (longer utterances, larger vocabulary, and clearer pronunciation) at this developmental stage



 
 
 



        Watching your child progress from the terrible 2s to the thriving 3s can be really gratifying. Many parents express that they begin to enjoy their child's company in a new way once social-emotional development hits these new milestones. 
        Concerned? Talk with your child's teacher, reach out to us, or bring it up at your next doctor's appointment. The good news about three year-olds is that you have a couple of years to start working out the kinks before kindergarten.
         

      Friday, September 21, 2012

      Happy Friday!

      Amy Croker, MAT Elem. Education
      Remember to nuture those friendships and the relationship you have with your spouse and kids.

      Try not to lose yourself in parenthood or the race to try to keep up with all these super moms.

      Remember to live in the moments, and quit trying to be someone you're not. Give yourself a break!

      Surround yourself with people that love you, support you and who you can be real with because...

      “At the end of your life you will never regret not having passed one more test, not wining one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child or a parent.”
      Barbara Bush, Reflections: Life After the White House
      http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/55493.Barbara_Bush

      Thursday, September 20, 2012

      The Health Benefits of Having Friends and How to Nurture Your Friendships

      Amy Croker, MAT, Elem. Education
      I could not have said this better myself. A great affirmation to my post yesterday.

      http://ahandsonmom.blogspot.com/2012/09/youve-got-friend-in-me.html


      Please take time to read it and then go nuture those friendships! It is important to your health and well-being!

      Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health

      Friendships can be good for you. Find out about the connection between your health and friendship, and how to promote and maintain healthy friendships.

      By Mayo Clinic staff
      Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being, but it's not always easy to build or maintain friendships. Understand the importance of friendships in your life and what you can do to develop and nurture friendships.

      What are the benefits of friendships?

      Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:
      • Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
      • Boost your happiness
      • Reduce stress
      • Improve your self-worth
      • Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
      • Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

      Why is it sometimes hard to make friends or maintain friendships?

      Many adults find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. Friendships may take a back seat to other priorities, such as work or caring for children or aging parents. You and your friends may have grown apart due to changes in your lives or interests. Or maybe you've moved to a new community and haven't yet found a way to meet people. Developing and maintaining good friendships takes effort. The enjoyment and comfort friendship can provide, however, makes the investment worthwhile.

      What's a healthy number of friends?

      There's no need to aim for a specific number of friends. Some people benefit from a large and diverse network of friends, while others prefer a smaller circle of friends and acquaintances. There are also different types of friendship. You may have a few close friends you turn to for deeply personal conversations, and more casual friends with whom you see movies, play basketball or share backyard cookouts. Consider what works for you. Overall, the quality of your relationships is more important than the specific number of friends you have.

      Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health

      What are some ways to meet new people?

      You can take steps to meet people and develop friendships. For example:
      • Take your child — or pet — for a walk. Chat with neighbors who are also out and about or head to a popular park and strike up conversations there.
      • Work out. Take a class at a local gym, senior center or community fitness facility. Start a lunchtime walking group at work.
      • Do lunch. Invite an acquaintance to join you for coffee or a meal.
      • Accept invites. When you're invited to a social gathering, say yes. Contact someone who recently invited you to an activity and return the favor.
      • Volunteer. Offer your time or talents at a hospital, place of worship, museum, community center, charitable group or other organization. You can form strong connections when you work with people who have mutual interests.
      • Attend community events. Get together with a group of people working toward a goal you believe in, such as an election or the cleanup of a natural area. Find a group with similar interests in an activity, such as auto racing, gardening, reading or making crafts.
      • Go to school. Take a college or community education course to meet people who have similar interests.
      • Join a faith community. Take advantage of special activities and get-to-know-you events for new members.
      Above all, stay positive. You may not become friends with everyone you meet, but maintaining a friendly attitude and demeanor can help you improve the relationships in your life and sow the seeds of friendship with new acquaintances.

      How does social media affect friendships?

      Joining a chat group or online community might help you make or maintain connections and relieve loneliness. However, research suggests that use of social networking sites doesn't necessarily translate to a larger offline network or closer offline relationships with network members. In addition, remember to exercise caution when sharing personal information or arranging an activity with someone you've only met online.

      How can I nurture my friendships?

      Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends.
      To nurture your friendships:
      • Go easy. Don't overwhelm friends with phone calls, texts, instant messages or emails. Respect your friends' boundaries.
      • Don't compete. Don't let friendships turn into a battle over who makes the most money or who has the nicest home.
      • Adopt a healthy, realistic self-image. Work on building your self-esteem by taking care of yourself — eat a healthy diet and include physical activity in your daily routine. Vanity and constant self-criticism can be turnoffs to potential friends.
      • Avoid relentless complaining. Nonstop complaining can put a strain on your friendships. Talk to your friends about how you can change the parts of your life that make you unhappy.
      • Adopt a positive outlook. Try to find the humor in things. Laughter is infectious and appealing.
      • Listen up. Ask what's going on in your friends' lives. Avoid talking about your own problems all the time. Try to only give advice when your friends ask for it.
      • Don't judge. Give your friends space to change, grow and make mistakes. Encourage your friends to freely express their emotions.
      • Respect privacy. Keep confidential any personal information that your friends share with you. Try not to ask questions that make your friends uncomfortable.
      Remember, it's never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. Investing time in making friends and strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.

      Article from:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/friendships/MH00125/NSECTIONGROUP=2